Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

خسته نباشی
کار جالبی راه انداختی
اما اگه میخوای بچهها مطلبی یاد بگیرند بهتره که ترجمه رو هم بذاری
تا بچهها با معانی کلمات اشنا بشوند
با تشکر
خسته نباشی

[quote=saeid-koskon]Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.[/quote]
سوال: وقتی دوس پسرت تو رختخواب تو هست و داره نفس نفس می زنه و اسمت رو صدا میزنه دلیلش چی می تونه باشه؟
جواب: این یعنی اینکه تو بالش رو به اندازه کافی نکردی تو حلقش!

[quote=yeketaz_66]خسته نباشی
کار جالبی راه انداختی
اما اگه میخوای بچهها مطلبی یاد بگیرند بهتره که ترجمه رو هم بذاری
تا بچهها با معانی کلمات اشنا بشوند
با تشکر
خسته نباشی[/quote]
ممنون از لطفت
خودم زیاد دوس ندارم ترجمه کنم، چون لطف خوندن این جوک ها اینه که به زبون انگلیسی خونده بشه. ضمن اینکه من مترجم خوبی نیستم و می ترسم نتونم حس رو انتقال بدم.
ولی همونطور که قبلا هم گفتم سعی می کنم گاه گاهی یکیش رو ترجمه کنم.
در هر حال اگه یکیش رو متوجه نشدین یا معنی یه کلمه خاص رو خواستین بگین تا براتون بنویسم.
دوسِتون دارم.

Boy: “Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long.”
Girl: “Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won’t get it.”

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

Q: What do you call an afghan virgin

A: Never been laid on

خسته نباشی
کارت خوب و قابل تقدیره
یکی از دوستانم که اینجا است و زبانش خوبه اگه قبول زحمت کنه میگم بیاد واسه ترجمه مطالبت
خسته نباشی مجددا

Q: Why did God give men penises?

A: So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?

A: Dating children.

Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called rodeo. His friend says no, what is it?

Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.

Then say, “Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters”.

Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds.

A guy walks into a pharmacy.

He says to the pharmacist, “I’ve heard a lot about that viagra stuff. Does it really work.”

The pharmacist says, “Yeah, it works great.”

The guy asks, “Do you think I could get it over the counter?”

Pharmacist says, “Well, if you took enough I suppose you could.”

Three friends decided to bet each other $100 on who could make their wives scream more from sex.

They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them scream.

The next day they meet. The first friend says, “I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1:30 hours.”

The second friend says, “That’s nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that.”

The third friend says, " That’s nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."

[quote=saeid-koskon]Three friends decided to bet each other $100 on who could make their wives scream more from sex.

They all go home to have sex with their wives and make them scream.

The next day they meet. The first friend says, “I made love to my wife for 2 hours and she was screaming for at least 1:30 hours.”

The second friend says, “That’s nothing, I start licking my wife for two hours and she was screaming the whole time and half hour after that.”

The third friend says, " That’s nothing, I made love to my wife for ten minutes, I came a couple times I wiped my Dick in the curtain and she still screaming."[/quote]

سه تا دوست سر 100 دلار با هم شرط می بندن که کدوم یکی میتونه تو سکس کاری کنه که زنش بیشتر جیغ بزنه.
اون سه تا به خونه میرن تا با زنشون سکس کنن و جیغش رو در بیارن.
روز بعد همدیگه رو میبینن. اولی میگه: من 2 ساعت با زنم عشقبازی کردم و اون حداقل یک و نیم ساعت جیغ زد.
دومی میگه: این که چیزی نیست، من 2 ساعت زنم رو لیسیدم که اون تمام مدت جیغ زد و حتی نیم ساعت بعدش هم ادامه داد.
سومی میگه: این که چیزی نیست، من ده دقیقه زنم رو کردم که تو این مدت دوبار آبم اومد. من کیرم رو با پرده خونه تمیز کردم و زنم هنوز داره جیغ می زنه.

سلام … وقت بخیر و خسته نباشید
اول اینکه خوشحال شدم از اینکه فکری ک تو سر من بود اما توان انجام دادنش رو فعلا در خودم نمیدیدم توسط دوست باذوقی چون شما ب مرحله عمل در اومد. تاپیک مفیدتون مبارک و آرزوی موفقیت دارم واستون
و دوم اینکه من دانشجوی زبان هستم و احساس میکنم افراد دیگه ای هم تو این سایت باشند ک ب زبان انگلیسی علاقه داشته باشن و دلشون بخواد مطالبتون رو دنبال کنند اما ی خواهش کوچولو از شما دارم لطفا مطالب رو ترجمه نکنید اجازه بدید هرکی ب یادگیری زبان انگلیسی علاقمند هستش تنبلی رو از خودش دور کنه و بره دنبال ترجمه کردن متن ها و لذت بردن از اونها .
و در آخر… لطفا ب کارتون ادامه بدید و ناامید نباشید.
مرسی

There were these three guys outside of a bar. There was a black guy, a white guy, and a chinese guy. They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgious women.

Well they made a bet to see who could make the woman scream.

The black guy goes in and comes out and the women is laughing, and then the white guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder.

The chinese guy goes in and a after a few minutes she is screaming bloody murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the chinese guy goes “Me chinese, me play trick, me put hot sauce on my dick!”

[quote=sara-mb]سلام … وقت بخیر و خسته نباشید
اول اینکه خوشحال شدم از اینکه فکری ک تو سر من بود اما توان انجام دادنش رو فعلا در خودم نمیدیدم توسط دوست باذوقی چون شما ب مرحله عمل در اومد. تاپیک مفیدتون مبارک و آرزوی موفقیت دارم واستون
و دوم اینکه من دانشجوی زبان هستم و احساس میکنم افراد دیگه ای هم تو این سایت باشند ک ب زبان انگلیسی علاقه داشته باشن و دلشون بخواد مطالبتون رو دنبال کنند اما ی خواهش کوچولو از شما دارم لطفا مطالب رو ترجمه نکنید اجازه بدید هرکی ب یادگیری زبان انگلیسی علاقمند هستش تنبلی رو از خودش دور کنه و بره دنبال ترجمه کردن متن ها و لذت بردن از اونها .
و در آخر… لطفا ب کارتون ادامه بدید و ناامید نباشید.
مرسی[/quote]
سلام عزیزم. مرسی بابت نظرت و دلگرمیت
امیدوارم با کمک دوستان بتونم این تاپیک رو ادامه بدم. مطمئنا تنهایی ادامه دادن کار سخته و نیاز به کمک دارم.
در مورد ترجمه هم باید بگم که من خودم هم اصلا دوس ندارم ترجمه کنم، اما بخاطر بعضی دوستان که گفتند ترجمه کن از هر چند تا جوک یکیش رو ترجمه می کنم.
و در آخر … چشم، حتما سعی می کنم ادامه بدم، ولی به کمکتون نیاز دارم.
دوسِتون دارم.

One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.

The first nun said, “Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.”

He asked how.

She said “I saw a man’s private part.” He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.

The second nun comes in and says, “Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.”

He asked how.

“I touched a man’s private parts.” He told her to wash her hands in holy water.

Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.

The fourth nun said, “I’m not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it.”

One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a “bitch” and the women called the man a “bastard”.

Their son walked in and said “What does bitch and bastard mean?” and the parents replied “ladies and gentlemen”.

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said “feel my titties” and the man said “feel my dick”.

Their son walked in and asked “What does titties and dick mean?” and the parents replied “hats and coats”.

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, “Shit” he said, the kid came in and asked “What’s that mean” and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, “Fuck” she said. Once again the kid asked “What’s that mean” the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey!

An apple, a banana and a penis got into an argument one day.

The apple says sadly “I have the worst life ever. People take one bite of me and throw me on the ground.”

The banana says “You think thats bad? People take off my clothes, eat my insides and leave my clothes on the floor.”

The penis laughs. “You guys have it easy. You try having people sticking you in dark, wet caves, putting bags over your head, messaging you for hours and making you do push-ups until you throw up!”

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

His cool (smile) relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You (smile) and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin’?

A man is about to jump off London Bridge when he hears a voice behind him. It’s Santa Claus.
“Why do this? It’s Christmas Eve?” Santa says.
“Because I’ve lost my job, " the man answered, " my wife has left me, and I have no presents for the kids.”
"Ah, I can grant you 3 wishes, " replied Santa, “So when you get up tomorrow your job will be there, your wife will be waiting for you, and there’ll be presents for the children.”
“Oh Santa - however can I repay you?” gasped the man.
"Well - not a lot of people know this, " came the reply, “But old Santa is gay, you could bend over for me, the elves aren’t much good at it.”
"I don’t know about that, " the man said.
"Oh, go on, " Santa urged, “After all - I granted you 3 wishes, don’t be so ungrateful.”
"Ok, " the man sighed, as he unzipped his trousers.
Santa did the biz and when he finished the man pulled his trousers back up.
Santa looks at the man and asks “How old are you?”
"47, " came the reply.
“What? And you still believe in Santa Claus?”

[quote=saeid-koskon][quote=sara-mb]سلام … وقت بخیر و خسته نباشید
اول اینکه خوشحال شدم از اینکه فکری ک تو سر من بود اما توان انجام دادنش رو فعلا در خودم نمیدیدم توسط دوست باذوقی چون شما ب مرحله عمل در اومد. تاپیک مفیدتون مبارک و آرزوی موفقیت دارم واستون
و دوم اینکه من دانشجوی زبان هستم و احساس میکنم افراد دیگه ای هم تو این سایت باشند ک ب زبان انگلیسی علاقه داشته باشن و دلشون بخواد مطالبتون رو دنبال کنند اما ی خواهش کوچولو از شما دارم لطفا مطالب رو ترجمه نکنید اجازه بدید هرکی ب یادگیری زبان انگلیسی علاقمند هستش تنبلی رو از خودش دور کنه و بره دنبال ترجمه کردن متن ها و لذت بردن از اونها .
و در آخر… لطفا ب کارتون ادامه بدید و ناامید نباشید.
مرسی[/quote]
سلام عزیزم. مرسی بابت نظرت و دلگرمیت
امیدوارم با کمک دوستان بتونم این تاپیک رو ادامه بدم. مطمئنا تنهایی ادامه دادن کار سخته و نیاز به کمک دارم.
در مورد ترجمه هم باید بگم که من خودم هم اصلا دوس ندارم ترجمه کنم، اما بخاطر بعضی دوستان که گفتند ترجمه کن از هر چند تا جوک یکیش رو ترجمه می کنم.
و در آخر … چشم، حتما سعی می کنم ادامه بدم، ولی به کمکتون نیاز دارم.
دوسِتون دارم.[/quote]

وقت بخیر. راستش همینطور ک قبلا عرض کردم من دنبال درست کردن ی تاپیک زبان تو سایت بودم البته نه در رابطه با مطالب سکسی اما از اونجایی ک دانشجوی کارشناسی زبان انگلیسی هستم و هنو زیاد در زمینه مکالمه.گرامر و ترجمه زبان قوی نیستم در خودم این جرات رو ندیدم.
راستش دوس دارم مطالبتون رو از روی فرصت بشینم و خودم ترجمه کنم و برای اینکار تصمیم دارم مطالب رو در نرم افزار ورد کپی کنم و واس خودم ترجمه کنم اما متاسفانه نرم افزار آفیسم مشکل داره و باید بزودی رفع بشه.
درهرصورت واستون آرزوی موفقیت دارم و اگر کاری از دستم ساخته باشه کوتاهی نمیکنم و حتما پیگیر مطالب شما خواهم بود
لطفا اصن دلسرد نشید و ادامه بدید.تشکر

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.” “What? Are you (silly)? The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!” “I know all that.” “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?” “Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

[quote=sara-mb]
وقت بخیر. راستش همینطور ک قبلا عرض کردم من دنبال درست کردن ی تاپیک زبان تو سایت بودم البته نه در رابطه با مطالب سکسی اما از اونجایی ک دانشجوی کارشناسی زبان انگلیسی هستم و هنو زیاد در زمینه مکالمه.گرامر و ترجمه زبان قوی نیستم در خودم این جرات رو ندیدم.
راستش دوس دارم مطالبتون رو از روی فرصت بشینم و خودم ترجمه کنم و برای اینکار تصمیم دارم مطالب رو در نرم افزار ورد کپی کنم و واس خودم ترجمه کنم اما متاسفانه نرم افزار آفیسم مشکل داره و باید بزودی رفع بشه.
درهرصورت واستون آرزوی موفقیت دارم و اگر کاری از دستم ساخته باشه کوتاهی نمیکنم و حتما پیگیر مطالب شما خواهم بود
لطفا اصن دلسرد نشید و ادامه بدید.تشکر[/quote]
ممنون. من هم برات آرزوی موفقیت تو درس و زندگی دارم.

A famous pilot was having dinner with a brunette and when they finished they headed to a hotel. He calls room service and asked for a bottle of red wine. When it arrived he put some red wine on the brunettes lips and started kissing her. She asks what the red wine is for and he replies, “For when I have red meat - I have red wine.” “Oooohh” she says. A little while later the pilot jumps back onto the phone and orders some white wine. It arrives moments later, he splashes it on her rack and starts kissing her tits. She asks what the white wine is for and he replies, “For when I have white meat - I have white wine.” Eventually he works his way down to her cunt, pulls out a can of lighter fluid and a match, sprinkles it on her muff and lights it on fire. “Aaahhhhhhh, why the fuck did you do that!?!” she yells. The pilot replies, “For when I go down, I want to go down in flames.”

[quote=saeid-koskon][quote=sara-mb]
وقت بخیر. راستش همینطور ک قبلا عرض کردم من دنبال درست کردن ی تاپیک زبان تو سایت بودم البته نه در رابطه با مطالب سکسی اما از اونجایی ک دانشجوی کارشناسی زبان انگلیسی هستم و هنو زیاد در زمینه مکالمه.گرامر و ترجمه زبان قوی نیستم در خودم این جرات رو ندیدم.
راستش دوس دارم مطالبتون رو از روی فرصت بشینم و خودم ترجمه کنم و برای اینکار تصمیم دارم مطالب رو در نرم افزار ورد کپی کنم و واس خودم ترجمه کنم اما متاسفانه نرم افزار آفیسم مشکل داره و باید بزودی رفع بشه.
درهرصورت واستون آرزوی موفقیت دارم و اگر کاری از دستم ساخته باشه کوتاهی نمیکنم و حتما پیگیر مطالب شما خواهم بود
لطفا اصن دلسرد نشید و ادامه بدید.تشکر[/quote]
ممنون. من هم برات آرزوی موفقیت تو درس و زندگی دارم.[/quote]

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?” She responds, “No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?”

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader’s table. Said the mysterious old woman, “For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future.”

Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, “I can see that you have no girlfriend.”

“That’s true,” said Paul.

“Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Paul shamefully admitted. “That’s amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?”

“Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters.”

A man says to his wife, “I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?” The wife hastily replies, “No, I might go deaf!” To which the man replies, “I’ve been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you’re still fucking talking aren’t you?”

A guy’s talking to a girl in a bar.
He says, “What’s your name?”
She says, “Carmen.”
He says, “That’s a nice name. Who named you, your mother?”
She says, “No, I named myself.”
He says, “Why Carmen?”
She says, “Because I like cars and I like men. What’s your name?”
He says, “Beerfuck.”