Haters gonna hate :P

Mother asks her newly married daughter about how her married life’s been.The daughter shyly replies that its just like British Airways.She couldn’t get at first. While going through the pages of magazine suddenly she freaks out seeing the British Airways ad–“7 days a week,twice a day,both ways”.

Ever wondered why they use A B C D E F to define bra sizes?
A - Almost boobs
B - Barely there
C - Can do
D - Damn good
E - Enormous
F - Fake

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand…nothing. So, I tried with my left hand…nothing. My wife tried with her right hand…nothing. Her left hand…nothing. Her mouth…nothing. Then my wife’s friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth…still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife’s friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn’t get the lid off of the specimen cup.

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she (blush)ed. “I’m so ashamed, and dirty Doctor,” she said, “I guess I let myself go.” The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. “Don’t feel ashamed, Miss. You don’t look that bad.”

“Do you really think so, Doctor?” she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, “Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo.”

[quote=روزگار غریب]دمت گرم فقط بی زحمت زیر نویسشم روشن کن :D[/quote]
خواهش میکنم، قابل شما رو نداره
ولی من زیرنویس نمی ذارم. اگه دوستان دیگه بخوان میتونن بذارن ولی من این کار رو نمیکنم. هیچ معلمی نمیاد به شاگرداش تقلب برسونه :-D
ولی از اونجا که هدف ما جلب رضایت شما هست، گاه گاهی یکیش رو ترجمه می کنم میذارم.
باز هم ممنون از توجهتون.

[quote=saeid-koskon]Mother asks her newly married daughter about how her married life’s been.The daughter shyly replies that its just like British Airways.She couldn’t get at first. While going through the pages of magazine suddenly she freaks out seeing the British Airways ad–“7 days a week,twice a day,both ways”.[/quote]
مادر از دختر تازه ازدواج کرده اش پرسید زندگی متأهلی چطوره؟ دختر با خجالت جواب داد مثل “هواپیمایی انگلیس”. ابتدا مادر متوجه منظور دخترش نشد. ولی وقتی داشت صفحات یه مجله رو ورق می زد چشمش به تبلیغ شرکت هواپیمایی انگلیس افتاد:
هفت روز هفته، دو بار در روز، دوطرفه!

A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing. His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc. “Why all the attention?” the friend asked, “You look fine to me.”

“I know!” grinned the patient. “But the nurses kind of formed a little fan club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches.”

شیطان پارس امضاتو دیدم یاد بازی down of war:chaos risig افتادم
خدایی 8 گروهیش خیلی حال میداد :D

البته این هم بگم که لذت خوندن این جوک ها به زبون انگلیسی خیلی بیشتره. چون من مترجم نیستم و فنون ترجمه و ادبیات رو نمیدونم، ممکنه نتونم حس داستان رو با ترجمه منتقل کنم

Charlie marries a virgin. On their wedding night, he’s on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her. “Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table.” So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, “Is this better?” “Much better!” she replies with a (smile). “Okay, then,” he says, “now will you please pass the pussy.”

[quote=persian lady]تو لطیفه اول daughter به معنی دختر بود که ریشه پارسی داشت ، شگفت تر اینکه ریشه پارسی دختر (دوغ +در) یا “شیردوش” بوده است و در انگلیسی هم دقیقا واژه دوغ(daug) ذکر شده !
اگه ممکمه ادامه بدید ![/quote]
مرسی، نکته خیلی جالبی بود.
چشم حتما ادامه می دم. ولی نیاز به همراهی دوستان عزیز دارم

عزیز لطفا ترجمه مطالبت رو هم بذار تا بقیه هم بخونن و بدونن

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. “But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked. He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and explained, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.” The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”

Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart
attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.
He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.”

واقعا جالبه ادامه بده

[quote=saeid-koskon]A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. “But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked. He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.” Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and explained, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.” The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”

Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart
attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife.
He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, “Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.”[/quote]
پزشکی با پرستارش رابطه نامشروع داشت. بعد از مدت کوتاهی پرستار گفت که حامله شده. پزشک که تمایل نداشت همسرش از این رابطه بو ببره مقداری پول به پرستار داد و گفت برو ایتالیا و اونجا زایمان کن. پرستار گفت باشه، ولی من چطوری میتونم بهت خبر بدم که بچه به دنیا اومده؟ پزشک گفت: هیچی، کافیه یه کارت پستال برای من بفرستی و پشتش بنویسی “اسپاگتی”. اون موقع من میام و هزینه ها رو پرداخت می کنم. پرستار پول رو گرفت و به ایتالیا پرواز کرد.
شش ماه بعد همسر دکتر به مطبش زنگ زد و گفت عزیزم امروز یه کارت پستال خیلی عجیب برات از اروپا اومده و من نمیدونم معنیش چیه. دکتر گفت صبر کن میام خونه برات توضیح میدم.
بعد از ظهر وقتی دکتر به خونه برگشت و کارت پستال رو خوند، دچار حمله قلبی شد و رو زمین افتاد. ماموران اورژانس اونو به اتاق عمل بردن و جراح برای آرامش دادن به زن برگشت.
جراح پرسید علت ایست قلبی چیه؟ زن کارت پستال رو در آورد و پشتش رو خوند: “اسپاگتی، اسپاگتی، اسپاگتی، اسپاگتی. دوتا با سوسیس و کوفته قلقلی، دوتا بدون سوسیس”!

A young couple were on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat chested.

“If you want to cancel the wedding, then I’ll understand,” she said. The guy remarked, “I don’t mind that you’re flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway.”

Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also had a confession to make. The reason that they have not been too intimate is because he is just like a baby below the waist. The girl remarked, “I don’t mind that like a baby below the waist, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage anyway.”

And so, the happy couple went on to Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes. True to her word, she is as flat as a washboard. Then, the guy took off his clothes. After one glance at his naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.

When she regained consciousness, the guy said, “I told you before we got married, so why were you so surprised?”

“You told me it was just like a baby.” The guy replied, “It is! 8 pounds and 21 inches long!”

A bus full of nuns crashes and unfortunately they all die
at the gates of heaven they meet St Peter
he asks the first nun "have you ever had any contact with a penis. the nun replies “i poked one once” St Peter says “wash your finger in this holy water and enter heaven”
he asks the next nun the same question, she replies “i fondled with one once”. “wash your hand in this holy water and enter heaven”
then St Peter hears a commotion among the other nuns and one nun pushes to the front
“whats wrong?” he asks

the nun replies “if I’m going to have to gargle that holy water, i want to do it before Sister Anne washes her ass in it”

Lady 1: I think my husband is cheating on me.

Lady 2: How did you conclude that?

Lady 1: Yesterday he said that he was with John last night for a party. But actually I was with John last night.

Four Girls took lift in a Car full of Engineers…
Since no place available, they sat on each Boys’ lap…
After 5 minutes…
Girl1: Are you an Electronics and CommunicationEngineer…?
Boy1: How do you know…?
Girl1: Your Tower is communicating with my Unreachable Area…
Girl2: Are you an IT Engineer… ?
Boy2: How do you know…?
Girl2: Your Pendrive is trying to connect with my USB Drive…
Girl3: Are you a Mechanical Engineer…?
Boy3: How do you know…?
Girl3: Your Piston is trying to move into my Cylinder…
Girl4: Are U a Civil Engineer…?
Boy4: How do U know…?
Girl4: Your Dam has Broken and Flooded my village…

Men were born between the legs of woman , yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of woman why ??? Because there is no place like home.

اینقد بی حال هستین که واسه آدم انگیزه نمی مونه :-(

One day death visited a young man and said, my friend today am on you, the guy said ooh please, i am not ready to die today please forgive me,death told him, you are next in my list and i cant jump you. He said oh death,please sit down we talk,while they told stories,the guy made some delicious fud and drinks and gave them to mr.death, he added sleeping pills on it,death ate and fell asleep.
while death was asleep he took his list,removed his name from the top and put it last in the list,when death woke up he said, young man you have been so gud to me,now i am going to start from the bottom of my list. .
What Could you do if it was you?

Man making love to a villager lady.
Suddenly she realises he’s not using a condom.
LADY: You are not using a condom are you?
Man: No I am not…
LADY: You dont have AIDS, do you?
MAN: Of course i dont have AIDS!
LADY: Thank God!! I don’t want to get that thing again…once bitten twice shy!

Q: Why couldn’t they get the dead mans casket lid shut?

A: Because he overdosed on viagra!

Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.